Sunday, April 1, 2012

Post Register to try a new approach

We give up. Beginning tomorrow, the Post Register will revive its Monday print edition. We also will be instituting the following changes:

1. We will be going from broadsheet to tabloid format. Research has indicated that people prefer the tabloid in both size and reporting style.

2. Each edition will include an eastern Idaho version of "Page Three girls." Instead of bare breasts, we'll be publishing provocative photos of the backs of the knees of anonymous local women.

3. All headlines will be printed in all caps, at least one-inch high, and in color. The color code will work like this: Red, sex scandal. Green, money scandal. Blue, sex scandal involving money. Pink, money scandal involving sex. Purple, stories based on telephones that we've hacked. Orange, false allegations about President Obama, usually involving his birth certificate. There won't be any other kind of story.

4. All photographs will be doctored to make them look more interesting. 

5. We will no longer write our own editorials. All opinions will be provided by the Republican Party.

6. We will recommend the appropriate song to play while reading each major story. For example, a story on a sex scandal would go with "Me and Mrs. Jones."

7. Finally, all subscriptions and advertising will be free. We will simply ask people to put coins, at their discretion, into a bucket in front of the Post Register office.

P.S. Happy April Fool's Day.

1 comment:

  1. Who dummied the Monday paper? I was trying to see how I'd been left out of the loop on this one! And you had me mapping out my Tab sized templates to figure out how to doctor the layouts.
    Dang April Fool's Day. The Monday paper and the Tab size got me. By #2, I remembered the date.
    Thanks, Roger.